It’s 1:03 am. The moment that changed everything.
Over the past 2 years, I’ve realized life happens in moments. Not years, months, days, or even hours, but moment to moment. One second can change everything. Starting a new job, moving to a new city, going through a breakup, getting married, giving birth or losing a loved one, etc… I realized after giving birth that even with all the planning there’s no transition from being pregnant to having a new born. You can spend 9 months preparing for something, for some, even years but some things you can’t practice or know until you’re in the thick of it. It feels very unexpected. If we’re not careful, we’ll find ourselves going through the motions of life, trying to figure things out without acknowledging the moments that changed us forever.
That’s where I found myself as my son approached his second birthday— struggling with grief, shame, depression, anxiety, and wondering how in the world did I get here? Mothering and still healing, and not even really knowing what I was trying to heal from, I remember having called an emergency appointment with my therapist and repeating “I just don’t know how I got here”. It didn’t make sense. I had done everything I said I was going to do up until that point. I had accomplished all the things that even I had doubt about but I wasn’t happy. I had taken advantage of the moments that changed me. As a fresh 24-year-old, I felt this overwhelming pressure to have it all figured out, but how could I and who does? We don’t just grow and mature because we age, we are transformed by the moments in our lives, good or bad, and we have to take time to unpack those moments daily. We have to find the lesson in every situation and choose to see God’s hand in all of it.
I’m Michaiah, affectionately known as Kay to most. I’m a mom, athletic trainer, blogger, friend, daughter, sister, and so many other titles but underneath all of these titles, I’m just a young black girl figuring it all out. On my son’s born day at 1:03 am my precious little boy came rushing into this world and everything changed for me. I spent a lot of time on autopilot until eventually, my systems failed and I realized I had to get out of the passenger seat of my life. I have a small tattoo on my right wrist, 1:03, to remind me to take a moment. My son has been the catalyst for my healing. We all want to be the best we can be for our children, to give them the best life possible. It doesn’t start with a house or a high-paying job, not the school they attend or being at every extracurricular event. It starts with YOU, being happy, whole, and rooted in God’s truth. There are moments in life that can make us feel like our life has been completely uprooted. Motherhood does just that. It takes everything we know about ourselves and our being and flips it upside down. However, take a second, breathe and look around. Some roots may have been dug up but you are still planted. All you need is some fresh soil and water so those roots can grow stronger and deeper. Growing up, I always helped my mom in her garden and in the garden, I learned to just BE. Your loved ones deserve to experience you as your best self and most importantly YOU deserve it. You deserve to be rooted.
Join me on this journey as we tend to the garden of our hearts. This is Rooted, the blog, a safe space for black mamas to just BE!
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