Affirmed by God’s Love

So honestly yall, I’ve written and rewritten this blog post what feels like a thousand times. I could never finish it or find just the right words to say. The past few months I’ve been struggling with burnout real bad. This constant feeling of being “on”, the never ending to do lists and constant stressors. I’m tired, irritable, anxious, overstimulated and extremely emotional. 

As I realized I had reached the end of my rope, I had to ask myself, how did I get here and the answer was simple, “you’re trying to do too much at one time”. It’s something I’ve heard people say to me many times throughout my life and a lesson I really struggle with. I have always been little miss do it all, little miss prove everybody wrong. What I know now is that doing and proving cannot coexist with just being. It’s a juxtaposition actually, I would say. But what does it mean to just “be”? As I’ve pondered this idea of being, what I’ve realized is that I have to let go of what I expected or what I thought people expected of me [good or bad] and be present for and accepting of what is. Being is a state of contentment, an understanding that everything is as it should be. It’s a state of mindful rest. 

Growing up as a black female in America, you are trained to understand that you will be undervalued, that you have to work longer and harder to get to the top and even when you get there, you still won’t be good enough, and just professionally but in our personal lives too. We are taught that we will constantly have something to prove— now add to that being a young single mother, just venturing out into a career. The pressure of proving consumed me, and finally it broke me. One afternoon after getting off work, I went home to do some housework and as I cleaned my kitchen; I got an overwhelming feeling of heaviness and I began to cry. Quickly I found myself sobbing on the kitchen floor, my body was cold and limp, my heart was racing and I didn’t know what to do. Blood ran through my veins like ice and the silence was loud!!! I called my sister who helped me gather myself and after reviewing the list of things I was dealing with, she told me “it sounds like you’re really burnt out”. For so long I had associated affirmation with accomplishment, love and connection with endless giving.  How much could I do, how much could I give in order to feel validated and accepted? I spent so much time and energy showing up for other people and spaces, that I neglected showing up for myself. The truth is you can only be affirmed by Gods love. I always considered myself a planner, a strategist but what I realized is that my strategy has always been rooted in the fear of not being good enough, fear of letting people down, fear of loneliness, failure and rejection.

I heard this question in a sermon I watched recently: “ how would a revelation of Gods love change this fear?” (Reference: 1 John 4:18) My challenge to myself and to all of you is that we ask ourselves these questions as we move into this place of “mindful rest” that is being: What fear is your constant doing rooted in and how would a revelation of Gods love, quiet that fear? As we move into 2025, think on these things, see what you come up with! Then, search the Bible and find what God says about our fears, identify verses you can say to yourself when these fears begin to creep into your mind. 2 Corinthians 10:5 tell us that we must take captive every thought and make it obedient to God. Let’s replace our fears with the truth about Gods love for us!